wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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