Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
