he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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