Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You have to summon your inner elephant
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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