Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
