i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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