I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
