I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
