I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize