Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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