Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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