so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
