can u get pink eye on your cock?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
