You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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