Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
