I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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