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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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