i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
