Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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