I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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