walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
