you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
