you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
