Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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