We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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