Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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