The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
