My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
