So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
