Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
