it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
