I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
