im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
