you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
why is half of my head shaved?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
