My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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