Ambien. No doubt about it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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