after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
