i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
