Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
