and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
