things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
