do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
