I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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