we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
