I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
