I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
