Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
