she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
