i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
