I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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