I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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