have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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