she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
