I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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