i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
