You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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