hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
