ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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