Can i not drive my cunt home
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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