I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
