you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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