were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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