either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
