oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
