I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You're like the curious george of whores
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
