Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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