Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
